Maggie (a dear friend of mine) and I were
at lunch having drinks not too long ago. She was talking to me about me, my life, my relationship status. She dug in as to why I tend to make the choices I do, and then she suggested I read an article that she came across. One she said to really read it and see “myself“ in the words. Talk about learning about me.
I got divorced last year, which was not only painful but a huge lesson in my life. You can’t love anyone out of depression. I tried. I failed. And it broke my heart.
Then, albeit reluctantly, I decided to give love another try and began seeing someone. This guy is one that everyone likes and respects. Someone that could paint a beautiful picture of what life could be like, but wrote a few checks he couldn’t cash and well, I guess that was that. (If it were only that simple.)
Learning About Me
So I did what Maggie asked and gave the article a read. I can’t say I have read anything lately that hit me as hard as this, for THIS is what I needed to hear. The headline read “You Don’t Need A Man, You Need a G*dd*mn Warrior,” and I was instantly clicking to read more.
Here are few excerpts that I felt spoke to me, and why.
You are one of the wild ones, and no matter how you tried to hide that fact, you can’t be anything other than what you are—and that’s okay. You are just as you are supposed to be, magnificently wild in all of your chaotic beauty.
These words ring true for me. I have tried to conform to others to make my life “easier.” But I am not much of a conformer. In fact, I am always fighting against the grain. I want my own footprint, and I want it to stay unique to me. That is why the world of blogging and being my boss works so well for me. Not sure that it will be the same in love.
What went wrong?
Because you aren’t just a woman, you’re a goddamn goddess.
In my latest relationship, I thought there was a chance of it working. Mostly because we got along so well. It was easy. We laughed a ton, had a lot of fun no matter what we did, had a lot in common, but still very different from one another. Conversations were meaningful and long. It seemed perfect. In the end, I am capable of giving 100%, at this point in his life, he just can’t. So, it was time to just let that go and move on. (If that too could be just so simple).
I am very strong willed and have even been accused of being manipulative and/or having persuasive ways. I don’t feel I’m manipulative, but I do know that I have a gift to help people see my point of view. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
This warrior of yours will crave your strength, and your intensity. He’s going to look at you and not see something to tame, but something to just f*ckin’ admire. This warrior of yours won’t be someone that you can manipulate or play with as you have in the past, so honey, don’t even try—and trust me, you’re going to love him even more because of it.
If there is a man out there that can admire me for this trait, please stand up. I know that I have been in relationships that don’t seem to value this part of who I am. They have tried to tame me or even go toe to toe, and it just doesn’t work. I am equally independent as I am needy. I learned many years ago my love language is time, and if you don’t have the time, you can’t love me.
So as I sit, once again single, wondering what is next for me, I go back to that post and this resonates with me:
So pack up your insecurities and your ideas about picket fences, because that was never you anyway. You were born knowing that you were destined for more, and now is the time for you to see what all those dreams look like.
So as I break off from the new guy, and realize, that there is someone out there that will love me fully, give me the time I need, give that 100% back, and most of all be that warrior…Kind of excites me as to what’s to come. I kinda like being a goddess. 😉